The Home Momager: Retirement at 65?! HA! part 2

Okay so back to the retirement thing:

So, I went on Mint.com and started calculating some goals. One of them was an emergency fund of 3 months to fall back on. One was paying off student loans. One was paying off credit cards. And the ULTIMATE: Save for Retirement (as heard through a bull horn).

I nearly pooped myself. I'm not even kidding one tiny bit! Do you know, I struggle each and every month to put $200 toward retirement (certainly not doing it right now!) and I would be, like, 119 before Clark and I could retire. That's a "balanced" investment expecting a 5% yearly return (WOW, right? AMAZING! A whole FIVE percent!) for the next... 88 freaking years! WTF?!?!

What the HELL are we going to do?!?!? I am hyperventilating here!

I would have to invest $4200 a F***ING month for Clark and I to retire by 65! WHAT the WHAT?!

{Breathe Melissa, breathe.......... out, in, out, in.....}

So, then, I think, screw it. We'll be dead before we've saved enough money anyway... let's just get our debt paid off, save what we can, and not restrain ourselves SO much that we die miserable, lonely, horrible deaths. We'll be on the news as the 98 year old couple that committed a murder/suicide because we couldn't afford hospice or morphine (Clark will have to be the murderer, though). Aye ya ya!!! Hey, but at least we had a pontoon boat and a travel trailer (in my dreams of the future).