September 6, 2011

Since You Been Gone

Well, actually, this post is about since I've been gone, but the song popped in my head while I was getting ready to write this. It turns out, blogging is actually pretty therapeutic for me. So, I've decided to start writing most of the things I think. EEEEEEKKKKKKK is right!!!

First, I fight a mild depression from time to time. It worries me. I am not on meds because I have had a bad experience with Zoloft. It made me not give a hoot about anything in the world except partying. Of course, I was a separated 22 year old who... wanted to party. But, I had 2 beautiful children and the medicine, along with the alcohol I was consuming every day, made me not care about being a good mother to my children. Luckily, I made it past that part of my life 5 years ago. My husband, one of the greatest creatures God created, is a main reason I survived that period of my life. He came along and truly "saved" me. I thank God for him as often as I remember, which is pretty often.

It was a long 3 years (no, I didn't take the meds that long). My poor children probably had it the worst. It was ups and downs and moving from place to place. It was moving in with a man, moving out, breaking up, getting back together, breaking up, getting proposed to, calling off the engagement.... goodness. I don't regret many things in my life, but I regret that period for many reasons. Not only were my kids put through the ringer, but so were my finances, my "career", my health (in more ways than I care to share right now), my faith in love and friends, and my family. ANYWAY... It scares me to take medicine. I've never really heard good things about taking an anti-depressant. And then the commercials to take an additional medicine with your anti-depressant don't make me any more eager to take something. This leads me to one of my last googles. I googled manic depression, which turns out is bi-polar disorder. Oh brother! Just what I need. My husband is convinced I'm also a hypochondriac. He might be right. As I was reading the symptoms, I thought, "no way, that's not me. WHEW!!!" But then I saw more information on Bipolar II disorder. Guess what? Yep, that might be me. Symptoms include (according to WebMD):

Signs of hypomania with bipolar II disorder include:
  • Decreased need for sleep
  • Extreme focus on projects at work or at home
  • Exuberant and elated mood
  • Increased confidence
  • Increased creativity and productivity
  • Increased energy and libido
  • Reckless behaviors
  • Risk-taking behaviors
Okay, maybe I don't have them all. But the mood, confidence, creativity (thank you Pinterest), productivity - so me when things are going my way! Not so much are the reckless, risk-taking behaviors.

I immediately looked up our mental health benefits so I could see a professional that could tell me I was crazy and don't have bipolar II disorder or that I am crazy and I do. Um, let's just say my wallet told me I don't have it and I can get over it on my own. :)

But honestly, I think its the "football wife/single mom (no hubs until at least mid November - maybe longer if we're any good this season)/summer is over/school is in session blues". Truly. So, I've decided to get excited about FALL things.

Some of the things I look forward to this Fall season are:
  • Pumpkin patches
  • Fall decorating
  • Grey's Anatomy (and other good shows) are coming back
  • Fort Bend County Fair and Parade
  • Halloween (we need a party!)
  • Trick or Treating on a Monday!
  • The best holiday of all - THANKSGIVING!!!!
  • Black Friday Shopping!
  • Cooler weather
  • Get together with friends (with food)
  • My annual Thankful for Friends dinner (which I haven't had in probably 4 years - oops)
  • Football, of course!
And lots and lots and lots more. Fall is wonderful and I am going to suck it up and be excited!! Just listing all the wonderful things about Fall has pumped me up. The bottom line is, sometimes I get the blues and I'll probably have to blog my way through them. They are terrible and get me so down that I don't want to do the things I love: make money, cook, play with the kids, be with my friends, keep a clean house, homework. Luckily, I'm over this hump, but stay tuned. I'm sure there will be another one along in a month or two. ;-)

1 comment:

  1. I takes a lot of guts to be this real! Good for you! Blogging really is therapeutic, even if no one is reading! Let's keep encouraging each other to write!
    Remember when we used to say LYLS? Haha that was way before texting!
    Well LYLS!